MY EXPERIENCE THROUGH TRIAL AND ADVERSITY
I’ve been home from my mission for TWO YEARS NOW! Yet-I am still having the same struggles I did when I walked off that plane and hugged my parents. Sometimes I regret going on my mission because maybe if I didn’t go, I wouldn’t have the issues that I have today. However, I know that’s not true. God knew I was going to struggle with Anxiety. He also knew that I was going to have a lot of gut issues-and not going on a mission wouldn’t have prevented them from appearing in my life.
There are so many questions that are constantly going in and out of my mind. Do I really have to be eating gluten free? Why do I out of all people have to struggle like this? Why can’t Heavenly Father just make my pain go away? What’s wrong with my body? Do I have some rare disease that doctors don’t even know about? Why are all of my tests/labs coming back normal when I don’t feel myself? I don’t feel healthy, so what’s wrong? Is it all in my head? Why won’t the doctors believe me? These are questions I have recently thought, and they all leave me hanging in frustration, doubt and more fear.
Let me tell you-I’m just SO sick of living in a state of panic and fear. I can’t let it consume me any longer. It affects my quality of life and when I think about it it makes it harder for it to ever go away. That’s the cruel part about anxiety. It really consumes you, especially after you try to make it go away on it’s own. Then it just wants to linger even longer.
So here is my reminder to myself and to the world that MY FEELINGS ARE REAL. YOUR FEELINGS AND CHALLENGES ARE REAL. THEY ARE 100% VALID and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I am aware that my trials suck, that my anxiety sucks, but I will NOT let anxiety rule my life or define my actions. Life in general is hard. I have gone through so many hard things. BUT I make it through them every single time.
I made it through my mission! I made it through the feelings of homesickness, fear, sickness, anxiety uncomfortable growing, etc.
I have made it through a global pandemic-and a year full of earthquakes, power outages, no church, and quarantines. (@2020)
I have made it through so many changes: moving to college, working several different jobs, moving into new apartments, getting married, buying a house, starting my own business, changing colleges, etc.
I made it through college. I made the deadlines, survived the tests, did the work and lived to tell the tale.
I have survived losing loved ones. I lost my sweet Grandma last November, and then my sweet mission companion this summer. Experiencing loss for the first time so close to home was such a challenge-and still is.
I have made it through every single bad moment, day, week, and month so far. & each time I have come out a stronger and better person.
As far as my diagnosis for my health issues goes-it’s all in God’s hands now. I came home faithfully from my mission after suffering and trying my hardest to be a disciple of Christ and I have since desperately hoped that God would give me answers. However, I am learning that the answers we seek for in life don’t typically come in the timeframe or way that we want them to. In fact, I have learned that I have to have the faith to accept the fact that there might not be an answer in this life. However, God does assure us that answers will come.
I don’t always feel this way, but deep down I KNOW that these things are true. I KNOW that God loves me. I KNOW that he wants me to be happy. I KNOW that he doesn’t like to see me suffer, but it’s part of my growing process. We are here on earth to LEARN and to GROW! If we wished the hard times away we wouldn’t get the opportunity to become clean and pure like the Savior is. Growing pains allow us to become perfected even as he is. It allows us to
So for now the only thing left for me to do is TRUST IN HIM. Trust that he will lead me to where I need to be, and that this suffering will be but for a small minute. As God himself quoted to a suffering, young Joseph Smith in Carthage Jail “7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;” Although it might not feel like a small moment, I have great faith in knowing that even in this moment, Our Savior is there and he WANTS us to feel peace in this very moment.
REMEMBER GOD LOVES YOU! & YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!