Today I want to open up and talk about something that I, as well as many single, young adults struggle with. As young adults in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saint, many of us are raised in a culture where we look forward to marriage from a very young age. I remember dreaming and planning my wedding day with my friends back in elementary school. According to childhood mind, there would be a frozen yogurt machine, my husband and I would ride into the reception on alpacas, and then we would have the most epic dance party of our lives!
Of course I haven’t always dreamed about the wedding itself, but I’ve also dreamed about my desire to start a family, fall in love, and fulfill one of God’s most important commandments. With that in mind, it is very clear that now-during my 20’s-dating is high on my priory list. To this day I am still looking forward to the day I get to marry (or even meet) the man of my dreams. & I’m sure you can relate!
I don’t know about you, but I often get frustrated because it seems like everyone else BUT me is getting their “Happily Ever After”… Every time I open up Instagram it feels like another person my age (or younger) is posting about their boyfriend/girlfriend, announcing their engagement, or posting a million of their wedding pictures. Of course I’m happy for these people, but seeing everything work out so easily for them often leaves me feeling upset/discouraged!
Every time I see those posts it leaves me questioning things like:
When will it be MY turn?
Will I ever fall in love?
Why is dating such a struggle for me?
Where is the perfect man (or woman) of my dreams? etc.
Let’s be real. These questions can be so defeating! These thoughts can also leave us feeling like we aren’t worthy of a companion, something is wrong with us, or that we aren’t pretty, smart, or good enough.
So if you have ever felt any of these feelings. I just want to say that you are NOT alone! I’ve been there and I am there. & today I want to share some things that have helped me through these discouraging thoughts and helped me bounce back from difficult dating experiences.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS DOESN’T DEFINE YOUR HAPPINESS
This has been the hardest thing for me to acknowledge. BUT just because you are single doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Your Happiness will NEVER depend on someone else. It all depends on you. If you can live a happy and successful life when you’re single then you can be happy under any circumstance.
If you aren’t happy then start doing things that make you happy. Lately I’ve been so sick of dating that I decided to focus more on developing talents and doing things that make me happy. To do so I decided to get into photography and have also started learning more songs to add to my piano and vocal repertoire. Focusing my efforts on these skills instead of just texting guys to try to get a date all the time has been so rewarding and has definitely brought me so much more happiness.
GO CHASE YOUR DREAMS GIRL!
STOP FINDING AND START BECOMING
What do I mean by this? I mean stop trying to find that perfect person and start trying to become that person of your dreams. You are who you want to marry right?
My patriarchal blessings counsels me to do everything I can to prepare to meet my future husband. I have spent a long time pondering what this means and how I can actually “prepare” to meet someone. However, after reading an article from the YA Weekly I realized that I need to be focusing on strengthening myself in every way that I can! I need to be working on my relationship with God, strengthening my talents, and focusing on becoming a better disciple of Jesus Christ.
I’ve spent so much time begging God for him to give me the perfect guy, but haven’t spent any time asking how I can prepare to meet him. Instead of asking the Lord for your own desires. Ask him what YOU can to do to be an effective servant for HIM. I know that when we focus on what the Lord wants for us, then everything else will fall into place. Even if it isn’t exactly how, when, or where we want it.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
You have to realize that it is very common for people to post about their relationships, and about all things LOVE and bliss. & it’s important to realize that if you were in their shoes then you would be posting about it too! I mean why wouldn’t you?
What you DON’T see on instagram is all of the other people who are just like you and me and are simply going about living their BEST SINGLE LIVES! I mean I don’t brag on instagram about how I’m single and I don’t share the details of the many awkward dates I’ve been on…
So remember that YOU AREN’T ALONE! It’s just that we only choose to focus and notice all the people who have what we “want”… ya know? and that’s okay.
There is NOTHING telling you that if you aren’t married by the time you are 21 you have no hope. In Utah there really is so much pressure to get married young, but don’t focus on that. Ignore it and GO LIVE YOUR BEST SINGLE LIFE! Travel, discover who you are, go have fun, develop new talents and school, work hard in school, focus on God and the rest will fall into place.
SO?? What are you gonna do to go live your BEST SINGLE LIFE?? I’d love to hear from you!
XOXO//ALLY RIANNE
